My Boys' Teacher's Mother’s Day Schedule
Step 1 Sleep in.
Step 2 Read Schedule (what a sweet day, you are already on
step 2 even though you haven’t done anything yet.
Step 3 Open card
Step 4 Eat breakfast, then give orders to the college student
hired to pull your weeds in the garden today.
Step 5 Go to gym (we don't have a membership, it's free
week) and enjoy hot tub and equipment if desired.
Step 6 Go directly out to lunch/library/elsewhere and enjoy
private lunch with a book.
Step 7 Come home. Note – Proceeding from Step 5 directly
to Step 7 may render Schedule invalid, causing a
liberal issuing of penalties. Penalties can include, but are not limited to: preparing lunch for the family, cleaning up after lunch, being subjected to whining, cleaning dirty children, and listening to husband complain about his job.
Step 8 Open present.
Step 8.5 Momentarily contemplate how often you receive
flowers from your husband. (No, don’t do this right now. You are only on Step 2!)
Step 9 Relax on couch or computer while husband puts
children down for naps.
Step 10 Be chauffeured to and from grandparents’ house for
Step 11 Put at least one kid to bed, because your husband
has had it, and you know how a man could never really handle your job anyway.
Step 12 Wonder why there is no backrub Step. This is really
Step 2.5, but you can see why it had to be Step 12.
Step 13 Does this mean that he will surprise me with a
backrub at some point?
Step 14 Stop analyzing things.
Step 15 Relax on couch with husband and tv.
Step 16 Go to bed and mentally prepare yourself for the next